The natural resources such as oil, forests and fresh water are being consumed at an ever-increasing rate. What danger is caused? How can we solve these problems?

评分对比

修改前
5.0
修改后
6.5
提升 +1.5
评分维度修改前修改后变化说明
Task Response5.56.5+1.0术语与题目对齐(oil/forests/fresh water),首段加入 "at an alarming rate" 回扣题目 "ever-increasing rate",对题目关键词的覆盖更完整
Coherence & Cohesion5.56.5+1.0主体段 1 主题句主谓结构修复(用 "when it comes to..." 嵌入话题);四大段间衔接词与 Claire 模板一致
Lexical Resource5.06.5+1.5话题词升级(fossil fuels / greenhouse effect / carbon dioxide emissions / low-carbon lifestyle);删除语义冗余(countless、ecosystem diversity and biodiversity)
Grammatical Range & Accuracy4.56.5+2.0消除 will + V-ing、which + V-ing、主谓不一致、冠词与数、动词原形、所有格缺失、大小写错误共 14 处
Overall5.06.5+1.5
The natural resources such as oil, forests and fresh water are being consumed at an ever-increasing rate. What danger is caused? How can we solve these problems?

In recent years, that the rapid urbanization of the world has brought a series of issues to our planet. It is truth that various of natural resources such as petrol, trees and glacier water have been consumed or even damaged. In my opinion, there are numerous factors contributing to this countless problems, and I will also explore potential solutions in following account.

62 words

To begin with, the danger of over-consumption of natural resources, there are numerous stakeholders to be considered, from innocent animals to related companies and organizations. Firstly, over-exploitation of resources would deplete many animal habitats. For example, cutting trees in the forest for furniture making will destroying birds nest as well as monkeys' home, which finally reducing ecosystem diversity and biodiversity. Furthermore, the excessive consumption of fuel causes serious air pollution, resulting in glacier melting and intensifying greenhouse effect, which also affect human health and activities.

85 words

Despite the fact that the issues are severe, there are effective solutions to mitigate them and create a better environment for both humans and animals. On the one hand, it is crucial for authorities to implement effective measures, such as publish a detailed environmental regulations to limited resources consumption. On the other hand, individuals should also raises the awareness of environmental conservation. For instance, people can practice low-carbon life style such as driving electric vehicle to work rather than gasoline car, in order to reduce the emissions of carbon dioxide and heat.

92 words

In conclusion, although there are many dangerous results of the over-consumption of natural resources, ranging from air and water pollution to the deterioration of natural habitats for animals, local governments regulate and individuals awareness can help Significantly alleviate these problems and bring us a better shared home.

47 words
Total: 约 286 words

开头段(Introduction)

背景引入句

In recent years, that 语法纠正 (删除多余的 that——句子已有完整主语"the rapid urbanization of the world"和谓语"has brought",不需要 that 再引导从句,多余 that 导致句子成为悬挂从句) the rapid urbanization of the world has brought a series of issues to our planet.

现象陈述句

It is truth that various of natural resources such as petrol, trees and glacier water have been consumed or even damaged.It is true that various natural resources, such as oil, forests and fresh water, have been consumed or even damaged at an alarming rate. 语法纠正句子提升
句子提升说明:原句含三处集中错误——
  • "truth"(名词)→ "true"(形容词)——"It is true that..." 是题型6转述 fact 的标准模板(来源:Claire 范文)
  • "various of" → "various"——various 作形容词直接修饰名词,不接 of
  • "petrol, trees and glacier water" → "oil, forests and fresh water"——雅思写作中转述句应尽量贴近题目原文用词,不自行替换
  • 补充 "at an alarming rate"——回扣题目 "at an ever-increasing rate",强化对题目关键词的回应

立场/观点表态句(保留——题型6模板已正确采纳)

In my opinion, there are numerous factors contributing to this countless problemsthese problems 语法纠正词汇精简 (①"this"是单数指示代词,与复数名词 problems 不搭配→"these";②"countless"与前句 numerous 语义重复,删去更简洁), and I will also explore potential solutions in following accountthe following paragraphs 词汇提升 ("following account"不是标准搭配→"in the following paragraphs"是雅思写作首段"预告全文"的固定模板表达).
保留说明:"In my opinion, there are numerous factors contributing to..., and I will also explore potential solutions" 正是 Claire 范文题型6首段模板("In my opinion, there are various factors contributing to this..., and I will also explore potential solutions")的规范吸收,保留并继续沿用——这是用户应固化的题型6开头句模板。

主体段一(Body Paragraph 1)— Danger:栖息地破坏 + 气候恶化

论点句(Topic Sentence)

To begin with, the danger of over-consumption of natural resources, there are numerous stakeholders to be considered, from innocent animals to related companies and organizations.To begin with, when it comes to the dangers of over-consumption of natural resources, numerous stakeholders need to be considered, from innocent animals to related companies and organisations. 语法纠正句子提升
句子提升说明:原句存在严重主谓结构断裂——"the danger..."是名词短语悬挂在句首,与后面的"there are..."毫无语法关联。修改方案:
  • "when it comes to..." 引导话题短语,把名词短语嵌入状语从句,修复主谓关系(该衔接词在 Claire 模板中多次出现,是地道的话题引入方式)
  • "danger" → "dangers" 复数,与"numerous stakeholders"数量感对齐
  • "there are... to be considered" → "need to be considered",语气更明确
  • "organizations" → "organisations"(英式拼写,雅思考官偏好;本篇统一为英式)

论据一:栖息地破坏

Firstly, over-exploitation of resources would depletedepletes 语法纠正 (陈述客观因果规律应用一般现在时 depletes,不是条件语气 would deplete) many animal habitats. For example, cutting trees in the forest for furniture making will destroyingdestroys 语法纠正 (①will 后必须接动词原形,"will destroying" 为严重错误;②此处陈述一般规律,直接用现在时 destroys 即可) birds nestbirds' nests 语法纠正 (①所有格撇号缺失——"鸟的巢"应为 birds'(复数所有格);②nest 泛指应用复数 nests) as well as monkeys' homemonkeys' homes 语法纠正 (与上文 birds' nests 并列,名词应用复数 homes), which finally reducing ecosystem diversity and biodiversityultimately reducing biodiversity 语法纠正词汇精简 (①"which finally reducing" 主谓结构错误——which 定语从句需完整谓语;改为非谓语"ultimately reducing"依附主句更简洁;②"ecosystem diversity and biodiversity" 语义重叠——biodiversity 已涵盖生态多样性,保留一词即可;③finally→ultimately 更学术化).

论据二:空气污染与气候

Furthermore, the excessive consumption of fuelfossil fuels 词汇提升 ("fuel"过于笼统→"fossil fuels"(化石燃料)是环境话题的标准专业术语,直接点出污染根源;范文语料库中"non-renewable fossil fuels"亦为高频搭配) causes serious air pollution, resulting in glacier melting and intensifying greenhouse effectthe greenhouse effect 语法纠正 ("the greenhouse effect" 是特指概念,必须加定冠词 the,与 the ozone layer 同理), which also affectaffects 语法纠正 (which 指代前面整件事(单数事件),谓语用第三人称单数 affects) human health and activitiesdaily activities 词汇提升 (添加限定词 daily 使表达更具体、避免空泛).

主体段二(Body Paragraph 2)— Solution:政府监管 + 个人环保意识

过渡与论点句(保留——让步到解决方案的过渡模板)

Despite the fact that the issues are severe, there are effective solutions to mitigate them and create a better environment for both humans and animals. 保留说明:此句结构流畅,"Despite the fact that..., there are effective solutions to..." 是从让步到解决方案的地道过渡模板,保留不动。这是用户写得相当好的一句,值得在后续题型6文章中继续沿用。

解决方案一:政府监管

On the one hand, it is crucial for authorities to implement effective measures, such as publish a detailed environmental regulations to limited resources consumptionpublishing detailed environmental regulations to limit resource consumption 语法纠正词汇提升
语法错误集中点(4 处)
  • "such as + 动词" → 必须用 -ing 形式(publishing)
  • "a detailed environmental regulations" → a(单数)与 regulations(复数)冲突,删去 a,regulations 直接作复数可数名词
  • "to limited"(过去分词错用)→ 不定式后接动词原形 "to limit"
  • "resources consumption" → 名词作定语应用单数 "resource consumption"(学术英语"名词+名词"构词规则)

解决方案二:个人环保意识

On the other hand, individuals should also raises the awarenessraise their awareness 语法纠正词汇精准化 (①情态动词 should 后必须接动词原形 raise,不能加 s→raise;②"the awareness"定冠词指代不明→改为所有格 their,明确是 individuals' awareness;这也是 "raise one's awareness of X" 这一地道搭配的标准用法) of environmental conservation.
For instance, people can practicepractise 拼写统一 (英式拼写:practise 为动词、practice 为名词;本篇统一英式) a low-carbon life stylelifestyle 语法/拼写 ("lifestyle" 为一个单词,不可拆分为 "life style") such as driving electric vehicle to work rather than gasoline carsuch as driving an electric vehicle to work rather than a gasoline-powered car 语法纠正词汇提升 (①"electric vehicle"单数可数名词,必须加冠词 an;②"gasoline car"不规范→"gasoline-powered car"是复合形容词修饰的标准表达), in order to reduce the emissions of carbon dioxide and heatcarbon dioxide emissions 语法纠正词汇精简 (①"emissions of heat"不符逻辑——heat 不是排放物,是排放的间接后果→删除;②"the emissions of carbon dioxide" 改为 "carbon dioxide emissions"(名词+名词复合结构)更简洁、更学术,是环境写作高频搭配).

结尾段(Conclusion)

总结改述句(保留模板骨架,仅修语法)

In conclusion, although there are many dangerous results of the over-consumption of natural resources, ranging from air and water pollution to the deterioration of natural habitats for animals, local governments regulate and individuals awarenessgovernmental regulation and individuals' awareness 语法纠正词汇提升 (①"governments regulate" 是"主语+动词"结构,不能作整句主语的一部分——应改为名词短语"governmental regulation",与"individuals' awareness"构成并列的两个解决方案名词主语;②"individuals awareness" 所有格撇号缺失→individuals';③"local governments"→"governmental"(形容词)与 regulation(名词)搭配更地道) can help Significantlysignificantly 语法纠正 (句中副词不应大写——Significantly 属书写错误) alleviate these problems and bring us a better shared home.
保留说明:"In conclusion, although..., ... can help significantly alleviate these problems and bring us a better shared home" 的结构非常好:(a)让步 + 主立场的对比清晰;(b)结尾意象 "a better shared home" 既升华又自然,不空洞。保留整体结构,仅修复主语的名词化错误和副词大小写。这种 "让步 + 并列两个主语 + 动词 + 升华" 的收尾模式可以作为题型6的结尾模板固化下来。
内容与结构建议
  1. 题型6的"两问都要答"意识已建立,值得继续保持:题目问了 "What danger?" 与 "How can we solve?",用户准确地在主体段 1 回答 danger、主体段 2 回答 solution,并在尾段双管齐下总结,这是题型6的标准结构。维持这个两段式不动,后续同题型文章直接沿用本篇的"段落功能分配"。
  2. Danger 段的论证面可再拓宽一个层次:目前只写了"栖息地→生物多样性"+"化石燃料→气候"两条,可考虑增加"水资源短缺→人类生存(water scarcity)"这一维度,让 danger 段的 stakeholder 覆盖 "动物 + 人类 + 后代" 三个层面;不过本次不强制补写——论证已够完整,这是未来练习方向。
  3. 话题词库可继续积累:本篇已使用 over-exploitation / habitats / biodiversity / fossil fuels / greenhouse effect / environmental conservation / low-carbon lifestyle / carbon dioxide emissions——都是环境话题高频词。建议将这一组词汇作为"环境话题标准词汇包"背下,后续环境题目(climate change / deforestation / water scarcity 等)都能直接套用。
  4. 反复薄弱点:will/should 后接 -ing、which 引导非谓语:本篇出现 "will destroying"、"which finally reducing"、"should also raises" 三处同类错误,和 2026-04-18 Uni-sexual School 篇的 "can't doing"、"development...are" 属于同一类"情态动词/主谓一致"问题。考前务必专项复查:模态动词后接动词原形 + which 从句需要完整谓语。
  5. 英式/美式拼写建议统一:本篇混用了 "organizations"(美式)和 "practice"(美/名词),修改后统一为英式 "organisations / practise"。雅思评分不惩罚拼写系统选择,但全文统一一种可避免给考官"粗心"印象。

修改统计

14
语法纠正
10
词汇提升
2
句子提升
5
内容建议

In recent years, the rapid urbanization of the world has brought a series of issues to our planet. It is true that various natural resources, such as oil, forests and fresh water, have been consumed or even damaged at an alarming rate. In my opinion, there are numerous factors contributing to these problems, and I will also explore potential solutions in the following paragraphs.

64 words

To begin with, when it comes to the dangers of over-consumption of natural resources, numerous stakeholders need to be considered, from innocent animals to related companies and organisations. Firstly, over-exploitation of resources depletes many animal habitats. For example, cutting trees in the forest for furniture making destroys birds' nests as well as monkeys' homes, ultimately reducing biodiversity. Furthermore, the excessive consumption of fossil fuels causes serious air pollution, resulting in glacier melting and intensifying the greenhouse effect, which also affects human health and daily activities.

85 words

Despite the fact that the issues are severe, there are effective solutions to mitigate them and create a better environment for both humans and animals. On the one hand, it is crucial for authorities to implement effective measures, such as publishing detailed environmental regulations to limit resource consumption. On the other hand, individuals should also raise their awareness of environmental conservation. For instance, people can practise a low-carbon lifestyle, such as driving an electric vehicle to work rather than a gasoline-powered car, in order to reduce carbon dioxide emissions.

89 words

In conclusion, although there are many dangerous results of the over-consumption of natural resources, ranging from air and water pollution to the deterioration of natural habitats for animals, governmental regulation and individuals' awareness can help significantly alleviate these problems and bring us a better shared home.

46 words
Total: 约 284 words