评分对比
| 评分维度 | 修改前 | 修改后 | 变化 | 说明 |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Task Response | 5.5 | 6.5 | +1.0 | 术语与题目对齐(oil/forests/fresh water),首段加入 "at an alarming rate" 回扣题目 "ever-increasing rate",对题目关键词的覆盖更完整 |
| Coherence & Cohesion | 5.5 | 6.5 | +1.0 | 主体段 1 主题句主谓结构修复(用 "when it comes to..." 嵌入话题);四大段间衔接词与 Claire 模板一致 |
| Lexical Resource | 5.0 | 6.5 | +1.5 | 话题词升级(fossil fuels / greenhouse effect / carbon dioxide emissions / low-carbon lifestyle);删除语义冗余(countless、ecosystem diversity and biodiversity) |
| Grammatical Range & Accuracy | 4.5 | 6.5 | +2.0 | 消除 will + V-ing、which + V-ing、主谓不一致、冠词与数、动词原形、所有格缺失、大小写错误共 14 处 |
| Overall | 5.0 | 6.5 | +1.5 |
In recent years, that the rapid urbanization of the world has brought a series of issues to our planet. It is truth that various of natural resources such as petrol, trees and glacier water have been consumed or even damaged. In my opinion, there are numerous factors contributing to this countless problems, and I will also explore potential solutions in following account.
62 wordsTo begin with, the danger of over-consumption of natural resources, there are numerous stakeholders to be considered, from innocent animals to related companies and organizations. Firstly, over-exploitation of resources would deplete many animal habitats. For example, cutting trees in the forest for furniture making will destroying birds nest as well as monkeys' home, which finally reducing ecosystem diversity and biodiversity. Furthermore, the excessive consumption of fuel causes serious air pollution, resulting in glacier melting and intensifying greenhouse effect, which also affect human health and activities.
85 wordsDespite the fact that the issues are severe, there are effective solutions to mitigate them and create a better environment for both humans and animals. On the one hand, it is crucial for authorities to implement effective measures, such as publish a detailed environmental regulations to limited resources consumption. On the other hand, individuals should also raises the awareness of environmental conservation. For instance, people can practice low-carbon life style such as driving electric vehicle to work rather than gasoline car, in order to reduce the emissions of carbon dioxide and heat.
92 wordsIn conclusion, although there are many dangerous results of the over-consumption of natural resources, ranging from air and water pollution to the deterioration of natural habitats for animals, local governments regulate and individuals awareness can help Significantly alleviate these problems and bring us a better shared home.
47 words开头段(Introduction)
背景引入句
现象陈述句
- "truth"(名词)→ "true"(形容词)——"It is true that..." 是题型6转述 fact 的标准模板(来源:Claire 范文)
- "various of" → "various"——various 作形容词直接修饰名词,不接 of
- "petrol, trees and glacier water" → "oil, forests and fresh water"——雅思写作中转述句应尽量贴近题目原文用词,不自行替换
- 补充 "at an alarming rate"——回扣题目 "at an ever-increasing rate",强化对题目关键词的回应
立场/观点表态句(保留——题型6模板已正确采纳)
主体段一(Body Paragraph 1)— Danger:栖息地破坏 + 气候恶化
论点句(Topic Sentence)
- 用 "when it comes to..." 引导话题短语,把名词短语嵌入状语从句,修复主谓关系(该衔接词在 Claire 模板中多次出现,是地道的话题引入方式)
- "danger" → "dangers" 复数,与"numerous stakeholders"数量感对齐
- "there are... to be considered" → "need to be considered",语气更明确
- "organizations" → "organisations"(英式拼写,雅思考官偏好;本篇统一为英式)
论据一:栖息地破坏
论据二:空气污染与气候
主体段二(Body Paragraph 2)— Solution:政府监管 + 个人环保意识
过渡与论点句(保留——让步到解决方案的过渡模板)
解决方案一:政府监管
- "such as + 动词" → 必须用 -ing 形式(publishing)
- "a detailed environmental regulations" → a(单数)与 regulations(复数)冲突,删去 a,regulations 直接作复数可数名词
- "to limited"(过去分词错用)→ 不定式后接动词原形 "to limit"
- "resources consumption" → 名词作定语应用单数 "resource consumption"(学术英语"名词+名词"构词规则)
解决方案二:个人环保意识
结尾段(Conclusion)
总结改述句(保留模板骨架,仅修语法)
- 题型6的"两问都要答"意识已建立,值得继续保持:题目问了 "What danger?" 与 "How can we solve?",用户准确地在主体段 1 回答 danger、主体段 2 回答 solution,并在尾段双管齐下总结,这是题型6的标准结构。维持这个两段式不动,后续同题型文章直接沿用本篇的"段落功能分配"。
- Danger 段的论证面可再拓宽一个层次:目前只写了"栖息地→生物多样性"+"化石燃料→气候"两条,可考虑增加"水资源短缺→人类生存(water scarcity)"这一维度,让 danger 段的 stakeholder 覆盖 "动物 + 人类 + 后代" 三个层面;不过本次不强制补写——论证已够完整,这是未来练习方向。
- 话题词库可继续积累:本篇已使用 over-exploitation / habitats / biodiversity / fossil fuels / greenhouse effect / environmental conservation / low-carbon lifestyle / carbon dioxide emissions——都是环境话题高频词。建议将这一组词汇作为"环境话题标准词汇包"背下,后续环境题目(climate change / deforestation / water scarcity 等)都能直接套用。
- 反复薄弱点:will/should 后接 -ing、which 引导非谓语:本篇出现 "will destroying"、"which finally reducing"、"should also raises" 三处同类错误,和 2026-04-18 Uni-sexual School 篇的 "can't doing"、"development...are" 属于同一类"情态动词/主谓一致"问题。考前务必专项复查:模态动词后接动词原形 + which 从句需要完整谓语。
- 英式/美式拼写建议统一:本篇混用了 "organizations"(美式)和 "practice"(美/名词),修改后统一为英式 "organisations / practise"。雅思评分不惩罚拼写系统选择,但全文统一一种可避免给考官"粗心"印象。
修改统计
In recent years, the rapid urbanization of the world has brought a series of issues to our planet. It is true that various natural resources, such as oil, forests and fresh water, have been consumed or even damaged at an alarming rate. In my opinion, there are numerous factors contributing to these problems, and I will also explore potential solutions in the following paragraphs.
64 wordsTo begin with, when it comes to the dangers of over-consumption of natural resources, numerous stakeholders need to be considered, from innocent animals to related companies and organisations. Firstly, over-exploitation of resources depletes many animal habitats. For example, cutting trees in the forest for furniture making destroys birds' nests as well as monkeys' homes, ultimately reducing biodiversity. Furthermore, the excessive consumption of fossil fuels causes serious air pollution, resulting in glacier melting and intensifying the greenhouse effect, which also affects human health and daily activities.
85 wordsDespite the fact that the issues are severe, there are effective solutions to mitigate them and create a better environment for both humans and animals. On the one hand, it is crucial for authorities to implement effective measures, such as publishing detailed environmental regulations to limit resource consumption. On the other hand, individuals should also raise their awareness of environmental conservation. For instance, people can practise a low-carbon lifestyle, such as driving an electric vehicle to work rather than a gasoline-powered car, in order to reduce carbon dioxide emissions.
89 wordsIn conclusion, although there are many dangerous results of the over-consumption of natural resources, ranging from air and water pollution to the deterioration of natural habitats for animals, governmental regulation and individuals' awareness can help significantly alleviate these problems and bring us a better shared home.
46 words